Sat May 01 2010, 23:32 by 
Hey, Motor City! We are -- literally -- sitting on the answer to America's energy woes.
This realization came to Biz Insider as we awaited the new rankings from Men's Fitness for the "fattest cities" in America. Detroit managed to stay in the Top 20 last year at No. 13 (thanks to all the coney islands, pizza joints and candy shops in Michigan), though that was down from No. 9 in 2007.
But how, you wonder, with all the gluttony and sloth in Motown, can our flabby selves solve the energy crisis? After all, we seem so good at not expending any. Will the government capture the power of our laughter, since fat people are supposed to be jolly?
Well, knock off the snickering (but not the Snickers) and meet Dr. Craig Alan Bittner, a Beverly Hills, Calif., plastic surgeon who, according to a KTLA.com report, recycled fat sucked from liposuction patients to fuel his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator.
California officials took a dim view of the practice, citing a law that "forbids the use of human medical waste to power vehicles."
Which raises the question: Is there anything they don't have a law for in California?
Bittner claimed, on his defunct Web site lipodiesel.com, that "the vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel -- and I have more fat than I can use."
That's in dispute, since three patients are suing, charging they were disfigured when Bittner's assistant and the doctor's girlfriend cranked the liposuction machine up to 11 in their quest for high-mileage belly fat. There also was the small problem that the assistant and girlfriend reportedly are unlicensed.
Bittner -- who at least bought American -- has since shut down his practice and, according to reports, fled to South America.
No! Americans can not risk developing a dependency on foreign fatties!
Instead, the Michigan Legislature should pass a law specifically allowing "lipo-diesel" as well as a grant to bring Bittner to Michigan to produce a healthier bottom line for both Detroiters and what would become our fat-fueled auto industry. We look forward to the introduction of the Ford Flab, the Chrysler Cholesterol and the Buick Blubber.
So take that, OPEC! We can be our own renewable resource -- no ifs, ands ... or butts.
From this Detroit News story
This realization came to Biz Insider as we awaited the new rankings from Men's Fitness for the "fattest cities" in America. Detroit managed to stay in the Top 20 last year at No. 13 (thanks to all the coney islands, pizza joints and candy shops in Michigan), though that was down from No. 9 in 2007.
But how, you wonder, with all the gluttony and sloth in Motown, can our flabby selves solve the energy crisis? After all, we seem so good at not expending any. Will the government capture the power of our laughter, since fat people are supposed to be jolly?
Well, knock off the snickering (but not the Snickers) and meet Dr. Craig Alan Bittner, a Beverly Hills, Calif., plastic surgeon who, according to a KTLA.com report, recycled fat sucked from liposuction patients to fuel his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator.
California officials took a dim view of the practice, citing a law that "forbids the use of human medical waste to power vehicles."
Which raises the question: Is there anything they don't have a law for in California?
Bittner claimed, on his defunct Web site lipodiesel.com, that "the vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel -- and I have more fat than I can use."
That's in dispute, since three patients are suing, charging they were disfigured when Bittner's assistant and the doctor's girlfriend cranked the liposuction machine up to 11 in their quest for high-mileage belly fat. There also was the small problem that the assistant and girlfriend reportedly are unlicensed.
Bittner -- who at least bought American -- has since shut down his practice and, according to reports, fled to South America.
No! Americans can not risk developing a dependency on foreign fatties!
Instead, the Michigan Legislature should pass a law specifically allowing "lipo-diesel" as well as a grant to bring Bittner to Michigan to produce a healthier bottom line for both Detroiters and what would become our fat-fueled auto industry. We look forward to the introduction of the Ford Flab, the Chrysler Cholesterol and the Buick Blubber.
So take that, OPEC! We can be our own renewable resource -- no ifs, ands ... or butts.
From this Detroit News story